You wake up late for work after watching three games in a row last night and dreaming about numbers for most of the night. Having made it into work, you proceed to tell your colleagues about how unlucky you were yesterday and how you’d be in great shape if your running back hadn’t got injured. They look at you blankly and ask you if you have any friends. You still think you have a chance of winning – but only if that Tight End of yours scores twelve touchdowns in the Monday Night Game.
The Tight End didn’t score twelve touchdowns last night. In fact he scored none, and only caught one pass for six yards. You finish 12,576th of 15,000. You decide that you’ll never play Weekly Fantasy Football again. After four minutes you decide that you’ll give it one more week. You receive a call from a friend asking if you want to go for a drink Thursday night. You decline and ask if they can make Friday instead and they say they’ll get back to you. You don’t tell them you want to watch the game on Thursday night.
Your thoughts begin to turn to the weekend games and you start to look at the salaries for the week. You realize your work colleagues are staring at you whilst you are muttering to yourself about the extortionate salary of Peyton Manning. You pretend you are muttering about work, and minimize the DraftKings, FanDuel, Bleacher Report and RotoWorld pages on your work desktop. Your friend calls back and says he can’t make Friday, but can you make Sunday instead? You fall off your chair.
You’ve finalized your first team of the week when you find out on Twitter that one of your wide receivers isn’t playing. This leads to changing the wide receiver, a running back, the quarterback and the defense – and you’re still over by a thousand dollars. After banging your head on the desk for just under an hour, you decide this is silly and take positive action. You achieve this by tweeting the wide receiver and asking him if his injury is really that bad, and suggesting that he play regardless. He doesn’t tweet back. You watch the Thursday night game and miss the game winning touchdown in the final seconds as you were watching your running back who wasn’t involved in the play.
You’ve got to Friday and you’re glad it’s pay day as you have a mountain of bills sitting at home that you need paying. You neglect the bills and load up your DraftKings account again. After work you decide to go out for a drink with your work colleagues and attempt to chat up the person in the office you’ve had your eye on for a long, long time. ‘Hey, I’ve been wondering, what do you think the effect of home field advantage is on the quarterback when playing in a Dome?” Strangely, you don’t get their number.
You spend the day with your family and you decide to be considerate and not spend so much time checking your phone – you now only look at it fifty times an hour for updated fantasy stats. You have a spring in your step and when asked why you proclaim “It’s Sunday Eve!” You head home on Saturday evening and having finalized your Sunday line ups you wonder how lonely your life would be without Excel. Your friend phones again and asks when you’ll be around for that drink – you suggest February.
You wake up early and move into Military Mode immediately. You will NOT miss any piece of information. Phone. Check. Tablet. Check. Laptop. Check. Desktop.Check. TV. Check. Nothing else matters in your life today – even the Downton Abbey Box Set can wait. The 1pm EST kick-offs edge nearer, and you decide it’s time to pray in front of the shrine you built for your starting quarterback. Finally the time has come. The games start and you sit in THE CHAIR. You will not move from THE CHAIR for the next eleven hours. You finally fall asleep.